Dating, Love, Yoga

Learning to sit with Vulnerability

I went on one of those date things.  After a bit of a hiatus on the old dating scene I thought I would give it another go.  As fine as it was I immediately got the impression he wasn’t interested.  Yes I am going on assumption but from the look is in eye I felt it was a ‘thanks but no thanks’ situation.  We’ve all been there, you know when someone isn’t keen.  Yet it still kinda sucks, rejection doesn’t taste good does it?  I know some people love the dating lifestyle, seemingly swinging from date to date.  I on the other hand find them a little less enjoyable.  I never feel nervous before one, my attitude is what will be will be.  Yet i’ve been trying to work out why I don’t particularly enjoy going on dates and have come to this conclusion…..

Nude photo shoot?  Not a problem for me!  Yet put me in front of a stranger on a date and have me talk about myself and my gawd I feel vulnerable.  Vulnerable is the best word I can think to describe my feelings.  I feel like i’ve been opened out for this person to judge me, I feel exposed.  For someone who is so confident in many ways when it comes to the opposite sex I am like a little turtle popping my head back in it’s shell frightened of the outcome.  Am I boring?  Am I hideous?  Is what i’m saying really dorky?  I haven’t worked out how to turn these feelings around and be more confident in myself when it comes to guys.  I guess it’s a journey I just have to figure out for myself.  If I feel intimidated I just pull back, for fear of making a fool of myself.

London is a tough bugger to be single in.  Us London folk don’t tend to strike up conversations with attractive strangers.  The likes of Happn now mean that cute girl or guy you passed may just be on the other end of this app available to chat behind the security of a mobile phone.  Messages to and fro are great but until you meet that person face to face and can feel chemistry you don’t really know if you will like them enough to take it further.

Anyway enough with the self-pitying.  I was in a grump and you know what?  It was really fricking dull, hence some writing and a blog post to express myself.  At the moment my life is a continuous cycle of yoga and work and i’ve never felt better for it. In the run up to my YTT I’ve been practising at Stretch everyday for the past month or so.  I feel more connected, more aligned and more open than ever before. Asanas are what we practice on the mat, yet the yoga really begins out of the studio.  I’m learning daily about what my body can and can’t do.  I’m finding spots that are tight, emotions that are hidden.  Practice needs a healthy dose of patience to go with it.  I am truly having to learn to sit with patience and just be.

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